CT: A Work of Coincidence and Destiny
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"Temps Et Regard (Time and Gaze)"
A work of coincidence and destiny...
(CT writes:)
I wasn't thinking about anything. I was just enjoying drawing, attracted by beautiful colors, lines and shapes. I followed only what I could see in front of me, what was floating in my head and what my body and mind felt. My hands captured it in drawings. It became transparent. I treasured that drawing.
It was something I created and found beautiful myself. It was as if it were transparent and glowed when held up to the sun. It was like cold transparent water.
I cherished that drawing.
Seven years later, something very sad happened. At that time, I loved creating clothes and I made it my life’s work. I created it with a lot of people and I dedicated myself to it. But I could no longer continue creating clothes, and had to stop.
I felt as if I were being compared to the self who drew the drawing and the self who failed, and it hurt. I tore apart my precious, beloved drawing, as if harming myself. I wanted to hurt myself. I actually harmed my precious drawing and hurt my liked past self and my present self. But even though I destroyed it, I couldn't throw it away. The drawing was no longer a drawing. It wasn't trash; I couldn't make it trash myself.
So, feeling miserable and like everything was over, I carefully put the torn drawing back together on a board and covered it with a cloth. I kept the torn drawing hidden in a safe place but took care not to damage it.
Sometimes I would think vaguely, 'The torn drawing is there' or 'I used to be able to draw drawings like that'.
Sometimes I was just sketching my cats. but I wasn’t creating anything. With no new work and unable to show my own work because the drawing was torn, I had given up on this drawing. I lost confidence in myself.
Then, about twenty years later, I started drawing cats again a little. Four years ago I started Instagram and I could show those drawings. Two years after I started Instagram, I started to want to create more art works and have them seen.
And a year later, I remembered this torn drawing and took it out. It had yellowed a bit, was stained a little and one piece was missing. At first, I thought it was an old drawing, torn, and shouldn't be shown. But there was a piece showing only a hand wearing a ring, and I thought it could complete one drawing, so I posted it.
After I did that, I wanted to put them back to the original drawing, which I had torn, to have a look at them, because the original drawing was also very important and I loved it. I pieced them all together and put them down. Because it looked like one drawing even though it was torn, and it couldn't be restored to its original state. I posted it on Instagram as it was. And surprisingly I got a good response even though it was a torn drawing. Some said, ‘It's better work because it is torn’, ‘Beautiful drawing! There's something really powerful about it being torn apart and put back together again too’.
The bad memories and images associated with this drawing disappeared. I felt like I could move forward. This drawing was torn once and was sleeping for a long time, but when I put the pieces back together and showed it, it became a living drawing. The negative image of this drawing had disappeared. They recognised the drawing itself, which I couldn’t have imagined when I tore it up. When I thought it was over, I felt like I was brought back to life, kept alive.
My friend, TI said, ‘This is much better than the drawing that wasn't torn’ (He also taught me about 'kintsugi' , a Japanese technique for repairing broken pottery with gold, which I didn't know about).
So, this is a drawing that I tore up myself over twenty years ago, and when I pieced the pieces together, it was brought to life by the words of the people who saw it. Some said to me, ‘It became Art because it was torn and put back together.’
It’s like a work of coincidence and destiny, created by piecing together fragments of that drawing I had left behind that I couldn’t throw away, and which I didn’t put together intentionally to make a work of art myself. And within that, the self who I drew this original drawing was still alive and revived and so was the present me.
And then, TI asked me if we could share my torn and pieced drawing. I met The FURICO Music Team and they noticed and took up that drawing. We started collaborating for their new music. I am grateful to them for giving me this opportunity to be involved in creation again.
I didn’t expect my drawing to be used in such a way. And now I am involved with The FMT, their creativity and music, which I never imagined when I tore up this drawing, and it seems that my drawing and I are traveling in a completely different, unknown and exciting world together, along with The FMT music.
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